The Radical Act of Taking Care of Me

So often it seems like as women — and especially as mothers — our job is to take care of others. That can be something we assign ourselves, something we feel society assigns us, something driven by social expectations. But at the end of the day, I think myself as well as many other women do it by default. Which leads to a question that too many of us never ask out loud: who takes care of us? Who takes care of the moms?

We are taking care of everybody else, even people we love dearly and want to take care of. We pour our energy into our children, our partners, our work, our communities. We show up with snacks and schedules and emotional support. We make sure everyone is fed, heard, and held. And somewhere in the middle of all that giving, we forget to turn that same care inward.

What self-care really means

Thinking about what self-care means, and how do we continue to make sure we are taking care of ourselves so that we can take care of others? I love the line that self-care isn't selfish — it's showing ourselves self-love. But what does showing ourselves self-love actually look like?

Are we, as moms, as women, as wives, giving ourselves the same amount of love, care, and attention that we give everyone else? Are we helping manage our own stress and building our own emotional resilience the way we do for our families? Are we doing that for ourselves as much as we are doing it for everyone else around us? My guess is probably no.

"Self-care isn't selfish. It's showing ourselves self-love."

What can we do differently?

So what can we do differently? What can we get off our plate by saying no? What can we say yes to that brings us more joy? These are not small questions. They are the beginning of reclaiming the parts of ourselves that got tucked away under everyone else's needs.

Saying no is its own form of self-care. It creates space. It protects your energy. It teaches the people around you — and reminds yourself — that your time has value. And saying yes to the things that light you up, even in small ways, is how you start to remember who you are underneath all the roles you play.

More than a spa day

How do we make sure self-care is a lot more than a massage or getting our nails done? Not that those things are bad — I love a spa day. But what does true self-care look like?

True self-care is a matter of making sure we are taking care of our own bodies and prioritizing our own health so that we have the energy to feel our best. It is the doctor's appointment we keep, the sleep we protect, the water we drink, the movement we make time for. It is treating our bodies like they belong to someone worth caring for — because they do.

Filling our own cup

It means finding time to fill our own passions, even if that's just something for an hour or two a week. For me, I love to go on a trail run and disconnect. Getting a chance to be in nature, to feel my body move without anyone calling my name, to breathe air that doesn't smell like snacks or laundry — that is medicine.

It's finding time to continue to be who we are as a person, and that can mean different things for different people. For me, I feel most like myself when I get a chance to connect with my friends, to travel, or even just to read a book that I get a lot of enjoyment from. I am a big fan of Robin Sharma, and when the kids are old enough to sleep through the night, I often get up at 5:30 AM  — and spend time journaling, reading, meditating, stretching and having a little peace and quiet to drink my coffee before I get the kids up and ready for school.

Having that alone time to myself really helps me start the day in a much more relaxed and better way. It is not about the hour on the clock. It is about the intention — the act of choosing myself before the world starts making demands.

Joy in the in-between

It's learning how to find joy and fit in things that make us happy while we are doing all of the things we just need to do to make it through the day. Because the truth is, life does not slow down. The to-do list does not disappear. The obligations do not evaporate. But joy can live right there in the middle of it — if we make room.

A podcast while you fold laundry. A favorite song in the car. Five deep breaths before you walk into a room. These are not grand gestures. They are small, repeated acts of remembering that you matter too. And over time, those small acts add up to a life that feels more like yours.

Taking care of yourself is not a luxury. It is not an indulgence. It is a radical, necessary act of love — the kind you have been giving everyone else all along. It is time to turn some of that love inward. You are worth it.